this will be short

"Once your heart has been broken, suddenly the cracks everywhere else in life become clear." -- remember this from someone somewhere

Sometimes I feel like writing an entire chapter about how bad I feel. But when it comes down to it, I find that I have nothing, if not very little to say. So this will have to do for now.

Feeling of the day... week... lifetime.

[Barenaked by Jennifer Love Hewitt]

Did you ever have that dream
When you’re walking naked down the street
And everyone just stares

Did you ever feel so deep
that you speak your mind
You put others straight to sleep
You wonder if anybody cares

Sometimes I think I’m the only one
Whose day turned out unlike it had begun

And I feel barenaked and I just can’t take it
I’m getting jaded no I just can’t fake it anymore
Cause’ I’m barenaked and I know life’s what you make it
Wish I could float away ‘till some other day

You ever go downstairs to start your day
But your car’s not there
Yeah you know the joke’s on you

You ever try your luck
With a pick-up line
But you just sucked
You tell yourself it wasn’t you

And I know it’s hard to hold it inside
Its days like these I run and hide

When I feel barenaked and I just can’t take it
I’m getting jaded no I just can’t fake it anymore
Cause I’m barenaked and I know life’s what you make it
Wish I could float away ‘till some other day

It’s all a state of mind
But I don’t mind trying to find a way
To keep my head above the mess I make
Or what the world creates
Sometimes it feels so good to let it all fall
As it will fall
and I will fall
we all may fall
And then the world comes tumbling
Down, down, down, down, down

2 weddings & a lot of doubts

i attended 2 weddings this week-end; to one i was invited, to the other - quite unintentionally

My daughter and i walked in Redemptorist late Saturday morning and was greeted by a grand wedding. What struck me about this wedding was the priest and his message. He said, "Why are we here?"

He went on to explain why the couple was there...

It was to show God they loved each other, to show their families, friends, and loved-ones that they loved each other. It was to show everyone in that church what love is, and how it should be. A love that can be boasted and announced to the world.

And i wondered...

Will i ever have a love like that?

The second wedding, was that of a friend's. i hardly paid attention. it was fine except for several bloopers and mishaps. But what stood out to me was, were they happy? together - will they be happy?

A friend of mine, sent me a couple of messages last night sharing her newly wed frustrations. She was worried that her feelings were different and that they were changing... and possibly fading.

A wedding is a beautiful thing, but it's just a day and a night. The marriage is what's at stake. Being married doesn't mean a couple can no longer separate - just means the separation will be a whole lot more difficult.

no more goodbyes

finally the day had come
and you gave the final word

the constant goodbyes ended
with the only goodbye that mattered...

yours.

[a repost from November 24, 2004]

constant goodbyes

i sort of knew this time would come
and i believe you have too

you have constantly hinted it
and everytime it cut me

constantly i have prepared myself
but still here i am
and here you are

each one going
and each one being left behind
always there are constant goodbyes

eventually maybe the hurting would stop
eventually maybe the numbing would begin

and we could stop saying goodbye
once and for all
we could stop saying constant goodbyes
once and for all
live the minute after our goodbyes have been said

devoid of each other
devoid of each other's touch
devoid of each other's words
devoid of each other's constant goodbyes

i sort of knew one of us would have to end it
and i believe you have too

i didn't want it to be me bec i would hurt you
and i didn't want it to be you bec you would hurt me
but either way we would both get hurt
and i guess that is just the way it has to be

we have to stop saying goodbye
once and for all
we should stop saying our constant goodbyes
and live the minute after those goodbyes have been said

maybe another day

This is for someone very dear to me.

[Another Day by Nine Days]

Here's another day, he waits and pulls himself away
at just the right moment to save his face
I watch the time go ticking down, the waters falling on the ground
I catch myself and try to speak with grace
you needed just enough anger, to get you through the door
and you got just enough honesty, to make you want a little more

I wish for nothing but the rain, to fall and wash away
everything that I've done wrong, find a way to make you strong
if only for another day

when I'm all alone, just me and my ghosts
standing three deep, just like sentries at their post
they make sure I remember, just a little more than most
they make sure that I understand the consequence of past

when you see me chasing daydreams and you know that I'm not there
I'm not the one who sits across from you, who, returns your stare
and I watch as you grow quiet like you always did
and I wait to get what I deserve
its the part that doesn't die that makes it hurt...