CAVEAT LECTOR

Read at your own risk. This blogger is not responsible for making sense.

Monday, September 26, 2005

unsaid

derogatives that go unsaid
insult the most

pains that are left unsaid
hurt the most

words that are not uttered
mean the most

this is the price of keeping your mouth shut
the consequence of silence

and the more these are hidden
the deeper they dig themselves into you

until without your knowing
they become part of your being
whether you like it or not

why?
because it cultivates and grows roots
like a weed it will spread like wild fire
take over and consume

it spreads with each drop of disappointment
and grows with each hint of frustration

as long as it remains unsaid
it remains true
it remains unchallenged
and sometimes that may seem like a comfort

but it's not

words that are left unsaid
mean the most

they will mean the most to yourself alone
but meaningless to everyone else

Sunday, September 25, 2005

time

time is like the chain that binds me
time knows no master
time knows not who i am nor who you are
nor does it care

time is relative
time is precious
time will not turn back
not for me
not for you

time is just there
time will just keep on going

the clock will keep on ticking
the seconds will keep on coming and going
whether we like it or not

sometimes i wish time would stand still
sometimes i swear it does
more often than not, i know it does not

it's just me
and how i reconstrue
where i am
who i am
why i am

time slows down for the heart the believes
time slows down for the mind that does not care

time is the chain that binds me
every second brings me closer to an inevitability

an inevitability of time passing and
never coming back

Saturday, September 17, 2005

pain

"The most hurtful pains are not necessarily suffered in one's person, but instead in the ones we love the most." - by a mother whose little girl is sick.

virginity

I sat beside a pretty girl while I was taking the jeepney to work today. She was very attractive - fair skin; pretty face; matching orange bag, blouse, and sox, as well as brown belt and bag; silver jewelry conservatively worn. She was indeed a lovely sight.

However as I looked at this stranger who squirmed at my unintentional yet intrusive stare, an out-of-place question suddenly popped in my head.

"I wonder if she's still a virgin?"

I have no idea why I came up with that. But then it got me thinking. What is virginity anyway?

Is it the possession of an unbroken hymen? Or the absence of sexual experience/ intercourse? It's a big deal for a lot of people - virginity. Maybe because of the conservative nature of our culture. I'm not sure, but I couldn't care less about it. I have long since lost my virginity and have made no effort whatsoever to hide it.

Some time in college though, being the psycho freak that I am, I started a pseudo study on myself and a number of girls I was acquainted with.

I hypothesized the possibility of determining virginity by mere 3rd person observation. So with just a critical look, I will be able to know if a girl is a virgin or not.

Of course with the aide of personal experience, observation, and the expo facto I had about my female acquaintances, I had come to deduce that one important characteristic of a girl that has lost her virginity, is the amount of attention she pays to her choice of undergarments.

Yes, girls who are no longer virgin tend to pay more attention to their choice of underwear (and with good reason if I do say so myself).

I thought I was pretty good at spotting this by now. I noticed that girls who were more meticulous with the color, style, design, and quality of their lingerie were less likely to be virgin.

How did I devise a method to learn this? I became an Avon dealer which placed me in a very good position to access what would otherwise be sensitive information. And so that was my conclusion.

But here I was, in a jeepney, staring at this pretty girl without the faintest idea if she was virgin or not. And queer as it was, this bothered me.

So I have come to realize that maybe virginity is not supposed to be something determined by just observation. Maybe it's less palpable than that.

I'm thinking maybe virginity is like temper.

  • Not many people will know to what extent you have it. But if you're careless, everybody will find out
  • Some people find it valuable how long you can hold on to it
  • Everybody has it, but more often than not, almost everyone, at one point or another has lost it.

loneliness

Loneliness is a slow steady flame that burns in everyone.

Sometimes it fades into the background.
Sometimes it's noticeably bright.

But one thing for sure,

It's always there.
And it always burns.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Who Cares?

The epitome of life is knowing someone cares and that you care for someone, or so I think. But recently I have come to doubt that.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

every breath

With every breath
we give
we take away

With every breath
someone feels
someone heals

With every breath
has to be more than oxygen
has to be more than a means to exist

If every breath
brings me further from you

what reason is left
to breathe at all?

If every breath
does not open my heart

what reason is left
for it to keep on beating?

For everytime
i do fall
and everytime
my heart breaks

Comes every moment
that takes my breath away

Though it brings
fears with the excitement
and tears with the smiles

that is what makes
every breath... worth while.