raising andrea... raising athena

I have a daughter. Her name is andrea.
She is beautiful and smart.
She is sociable and happy.
She is also... a pain in the ass!

But i do love her
Oh how i love her
Sometimes with this love
i find it so hard to raise her the way i should

Why can't all that skill just come with love?
Why can't good intent bring about fruitful means?

Everything just becomes so difficult.
Raising Andrea is just so difficult.

And more often than not
i think maybe it is so hard to raise her
because at the same time
i am raising myself

Just as i am watching and helping her to grow up
so am i (i'm forcing myself to grow up too)

I have to grow up and be patient
... grow up and be accountable
... grow up and be responsible
... grow up and be strong
... grow up and share
... grow up and teach
... grow up and be an example

Sounds so simple, doesn't it?
but it's so hard growing up
and harder even when you're taking someone along

I feel guilty sometimes
bringing a life into this world
a life i can't seem to steer in the right direction
i feel so incapable sometimes
its like "the blind leading the blind"

I feel as if i'm groping in the dark
and i'm dragging her along with me
... stumbling everytime i stumble
... falling everytime i fall
... hurting everytime i take a wrong turn

I feel so irresponsible
i feel like the child
but i must act like the parent
i am the child parent
a child and a parent

although i don't think
age defines maturity
neither does age define adulthood
and so it must also follow that
it can't define parenthood as well

Can anyone be fully prepared for parenthood?
Can anyone be fully ready to raise a child?
i don't think so.

I guess that's what makes parenthood so difficult
it is raising oneself in the anticipation
as one has to raise someone else

In order to raise andrea
i have to raise athena
so while i am raising her
i am also raising myself