making a point

10 people just lost their job last week. I just lost a team of researchers. It was absolutely horrible. I had to be there when they were told. I was so angry when I found out, because the reason this was happening was said to be "down-sizing." These people were about to be laid off. They have done nothing wrong, they have worked hard for the past year, they passed their evaluations, met their quotas, followed company policy, did as they were told, in short... they don't deserve what just happened to them. I was outraged.

I started working in the company by being a member of this team. With a couple of people who believed in me, some stroke of luck, and more 16-hour work days than I care to mention, I worked my way to where I am now. Not to say that I am at the pinnacle of success, coz nowhere am I near that - but I am grateful for what I have now. And just as saddened at what I have lost and seen what others have lost as well.

When I found out, it hurt. I lashed back with the general arguement that this team was a reflection of me and losing them would mean cutting off my arms and legs. If they have failed or performed below par, then this is my evaluation as well. It just hurts so much that I can do nothing because it was a "management decision." Although I do understand that the company needs to do what it has to do to keep the rest that are still employed, but it was such a joke letting go of my team when there are so many other departments that are bloated.

I thought maybe I should resign to make my point, to express my general disposition that I thought what they were doing was wrong. But then other things come to mind...

• making my point won't pay the bills
• making my point won't send my daughter to school
• making my point won't put food on the table

And so here I am, the same person walking to work - everyday though just gets harder. I feel like I have lost my sense of integrity and have succumbed to the financial need for survival.

Maybe I'm just a coward or maybe my priorities are wrong. Not to say also that I have always been upright and good. I realize many times have I lost people that are dear to me just because...

I can't seem to make my point.