CAVEAT LECTOR

Read at your own risk. This blogger is not responsible for making sense.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

No One. Nowhere. Nothing

No one.

It hurts too much to think that we are truly alone. When you're in pain, you can't really share that pain with anybody. Sure you can talk about it and pray about it, but in the end it's your pain & your burden to bear. There is no one else

Nowhere.

What's worse in this situation is when you literally have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I'm not particularly proud that I have secluded myself to a point that I feel I actually have nowhere to go. I'm stuck where I am to feel the way I feel and just... endure (for lack of a better word). Pathetic isn't it?

Nothing

Right now I feel I have so much to say. I feel angry and I feel disappointed. I feel sad and frustrated. But then when it comes down to it, I feel so numb it's as if I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

I think that if I was given the opportunity to speak, I probably won't have anything to say.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

One Day @ A Time

When we started out, I was doubtful
I was damaged goods and you played the field
I didn't think we'd last any longer than we did

So I took it one day at a time
Thinking this will most likely be as good as it gets for me
And so one day at a time was good enough for me

Fast forward to now...
It seems to have worked as from one day to another
Suddenly three years worth of one days have passed
But how foolish of me to think it would last longer than that

Fact is you're still a bachelor at heart and I'm still damaged goods
The same people from the start
How foolish of me to think that there could be more
When all this time you were itching to get out the door

I didn't think we'd last any longer than we did

But I hoped...

I wished

I prayed

Thinking this will most likely be as good as it gets for me
But suddently one day at a time was no longer enough for me

And so one day at a time...

We stopped speaking

We stopped laughing

We just stopped

I'm still damaged goods and you're still a bachelor
Taking it one day at a time, only this time without each other

One Night Stand

I close my eyes
And wish with all my heart

That he would call
That he would remember

That maybe it all meant something
That maybe we meant something to each other

But as minutes turned to hours
And hours into days
Then days into weeks

I begin to realize
Maybe I thought too much of it
Maybe that was all it was after all
Maybe I was just too slow to comprehend

Though I wished it could have been more
But to him, I was just another one night stand

The Last Two Years

I can't believe it has been two years since I've logged on to this blog. Guess when you have nowhere else to go, you go back to the beginning.

Sometimes I wonder what the last few years have been like. Was I really happy to not have written anything remotely sentimental?

Maybe...

Or maybe I just succumbed to the money grubbing side of me. Yes I blogged for money. And it worked too, for awhile.

I swore off sentimentality years back. But I think getting hurt is a good excuse to be overly dramatic again.

That's what happens when you have no one to talk to...